What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?

But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!

Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!

I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.

Why have feminists not demanded that females be required to register with the selective service? Are female lives more precious than male lives?

And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...

Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.

Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.

What factors contributed to The Beatles' bitterness?

In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …

In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …

And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.

Do countries with free health care generally have co-pays or deductibles to discourage use?

Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.

Marijuana makes Jesus cry!

Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …

I see ugly guys dating gorgeous, "hot" women all the time. I, too, am not very attractive but I'm not doing well with the ladies. What's their secret?

“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”

Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.

Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!

Is Trump the greatest spiritual leader since Jesus?

¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!

Make Nazis afraid again!

Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.

How would you advertise if you wanted to be a "tour guide" who can take you through the dark web while warning you what not to look at and not to click on?

I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.

TEXT:

Shameless vixen! Trollop!

Do you regret being married to your current wife?

Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.

Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)

Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority

Why do many men like women's breasts?

Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.

After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.

Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.

Justin Bieber declares he’s a ‘dad that’s not to be f–ked with’ in bizarre Father’s Day 2025 post - Page Six

Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!

Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.

Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!

Why do I sweat so much? I’m 17 but I feel like I always need to re-apply deodorant and I am always self-conscious that I smell because I feel sweat under my arms.

Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!

At least until the peyote kicks in ...

Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.

Why do some men want to remain single despite the fact that many women want to have a romantic relationship with them?

Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?